Today is Valentine's Day. I hadn't really thought about it much. It has been a hectic, hectic week here, and it's not over yet. Sunday and Monday, we were visited (again) by the Ice Man. Our trees and roads were covered with about an inch of the stuff. Thankfully, we only lost our power once, last night as things were thawing, and only for about two hours.
This morning, I spent some time at the Vet's office. Rocky has a broken leg :( I assure you it was not intended, but Tanner pushed him off the back of the couch last night...and it just cracked. He's a sleepy little puppy right now, and is curled up on a blanket next to my desk taking a nap. It was a rough night. Rocky cried, Tanner cried, Mommy cried. Daddy remained calm, because that's what Daddies do. I think deep down, though, he was sad too. Tanner feels terrible about it, and we couldn't really punish him, because he truly didn't mean to hurt him. And he was so upset anyway. The vet put a splint on him, and we'll take him back in two weeks to make sure everything is ok.
Tanner did NOT get punished for hurting the puppy, but it does seem he's been in trouble a lot this week for other things. He kicked a little boy at school last Friday, and he got time out...and darn it all if he didn't do it again. So, Mommy took his movies away. All of them. He got them back Sunday and was doing really well. BUT, I just got a phone call from the school, and Tanner got in trouble at nap time. For biting another little boy.......on the backside. I am not really sure how to handle this one. I want to impress upon him that he can NOT do things like that, but I do not want to be one of those parents whose punishments are completely ineffective and therefore useless. SIGH, I love him....he's in big trouble. Five year old boys are tough to handle. This is why we are having no more children.
Saturday can not come quickly enough. I am having my first annual "chocolate covered sleep over". The girls (Deanna, Shannon, Robin, and Meleshia) and I will be gathering for a night of fun. The two rules of the evening are 1. You must bring something to dip in chocolate and 2. You must bring a movie that includes a british accent. I know, again we are behaving like twelve year old girls, but we really do have fun. I think more people should have sleep overs!
I have five minutes left of my "half day off", so I better sign off. I have some pictures for you. I'll have Jeremy show me how to upload them this evening. They are good ones. Tanner making cookies, and mine and Tanner's camp out in the living room this last weekend. And of course ICE. LOTS OF IT.
Happy Valentine's Day people whom I love and adore! I hope you and your loved ones get to spend time together today...since it's really all about the love.
XOXO
Thursday, February 14, 2008
It's all about Love
Posted by Juli at 2/14/2008 01:22:00 PM
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I don't know what your feelings are about corporal punishment (i.e. spankings and the like), but sometimes all it takes is a taste of what they dish out for them to stop. In this case that would be to bite him back. You would, of course have to make it count, a "pretend" bite that isn't felt won't work. And it would have to be done almost immediately for it to be effective.
It may seem wrong to punish hitting with more hitting, but this has worked with Sierra-Lynn. After the punishment, I ask her if she liked how it felt. Her answer is usually "NO!!!!!!" and she says that she is sorry and doesn't do it again (for a least a week). Just kidding, she hasn't hit anyone in quite a while.
Of course, you should ask him what those boys did to upset him first. Maybe he had what he deemed to be a legitament reason and just needs to learn how to vocalize when something is bothering him. This may very well be the case, so I would try this first. If this is whats going on, make sure that there are more appropriate ways to handle his feelings and give examples. Once he can learn to use words (even if its "I hate you"), he should stop using his feet, teeth and fists.
Hope this helps.
Barron was bitting me quite a bit and I always told him no in a sharp tone. But one day he got me in a tender spot on my back (love handles) obviously "NO!" was not working. I turned him over my knees and popped him hard on his diapper....however I missed and my fingers got his upper leg. He was red for two days. I felt awful, but he has not bit me or anyone else since.
I don't like to spank when he hits, cause like Buffie says...to punish hitting with hitting doesn't make sense to him. I have learned to say "no, you can't hit mommy." I set him down and I don't pick him back up untill he stops crying. If he does it again, I tell him No again and he goes into his crib where he is left untill he is quiet. I do not like it when Bear acts up and I most often don't know what to do about it. I just know that i have to stay calm, and think logically as to what is triggering him to act this way. Most often he is wanting my attention. He is getting bigger and transitioning into independance rather than mommy having to hold and get him every little thing. Think about what it is that Tanner is trying to communicate to this kid. Jealousy, it sounds like?
Barron was bitting me quite a bit and I always told him no in a sharp tone. But one day he got me in a tender spot on my back (love handles) obviously "NO!" was not working. I turned him over my knees and popped him hard on his diapper....however I missed and my fingers got his upper leg. He was red for two days. I felt awful, but he has not bit me or anyone else since.
I don't like to spank when he hits, cause like Buffie says...to punish hitting with hitting doesn't make sense to him. I have learned to say "no, you can't hit mommy." I set him down and I don't pick him back up untill he stops crying. If he does it again, I tell him No again and he goes into his crib where he is left untill he is quiet. I do not like it when Bear acts up and I most often don't know what to do about it. I just know that i have to stay calm, and think logically as to what is triggering him to act this way. Most often he is wanting my attention. He is getting bigger and transitioning into independance rather than mommy having to hold and get him every little thing. Think about what it is that Tanner is trying to communicate to this kid. Jealousy, it sounds like?
Back in the 60's during all the protesting and all there was a quote that was circulating around, "When will people stop killing people who kill people to show people it is wrong to kill people?
You cannot show Tanner that biting is wrong by demonstrating biting.
Try setting up a reward system for those times when he does not get into trouble at school. Tell him when he has performed acceptable behavior rather than always noticing the unacceptable behavior.
Intrinsic motivation will always be better than extrinsic motivation.
There shall be NO biting the world's greatest grandson!
I agree momndad. Unless its seriously harmful to Barron, I wouldn't say that I ignore his wrong doings, but rather that I don't put alot of effort into making it a big deal. Most of the things he does is strictly exploratory and there fore whats the sense in lecturing. I will tell him No and then direct his attention to something he can do. Address it and move on. Besides he just wants positive attention and when he doesn't get it he does something he knows will get my attention...and well we cant have Barron training mommy now can we?
Wish me luck Jules, I am job hunting. This is weird in a way for me, but hopefully I can find something that will work for the fam.
Tell us more about your sleep over, I am very jealous that I can't be there. I hope you got to relax and have fun but most importantly, to induldge in yummy chocolate dipped things.
Chocolate is a beautiful thing. We dipped bananas, strawberries, and raspberries, marshmallows and cheesecake. We watched Love Actually and Moulin Rouge and giggled a lot. The only thing I don't love about working from home is not seeing them everyday. Good luck with the job search Miss Sara, I know you can find something great that you will enjoy doing.
The biting issue was examined by mom and dad, and we decided that because of all the extra work we've been doing is probably causing Tanner to seek his attention with negative behavior. We chose to ignore it and he was SUPER awesome this weekend with mom and dad and all the guests. He got a new movie today at Wal Mart and he and Dad are watching it right now. As a matter of fact it's time for me to join them. So I will talk to you all later!
Just watched the forecast in your area....wow. Bet you wanna move to Florida, huh?
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