Goodbye Ol' Faithful

Today, Jeremy bought HIS very first new car EVER (I have had TWO since we've been married)! He is so excited about it...and durn it all, I am too. The Mazda...aka Ol' Faithful...aka Smoky...aka The Death Trap, was just about to give up on him...it just turned 16 years old so he was really due. Chrysler was having a Fantastic 96 hour sale and this little beauty caught his eye...

Isn't it pretty??? I think I have been banned from driving it for a while. Something about Jeremy wanting to keep it dent free for at least two months. He's so selfish! But there "she" is in all her glory...although SHE doesn't have a name. Apparently, real men don't name their vehicles...or something like that...I didn't quite catch it as it was being muttered under my husband's breath. Mom, I have it on good authority that you can drive it when you guys make it for Tanner's belated birthday celebration. Well, it's time to give my little duckie his bath...and then someone volunteered to make cookies for tomorrow. So nightie night all.

I have gum in my toaster. Green bubblegum. The kind that comes in the band-aid cases. Yup. And let me tell you, it's down in there REALLY good. Now I KNOW that I didn't put the gum in the toaster, and I am fairly certain that Jeremy didn't either--but if he did, BOY is he in trouble. Of course, Tanner does not know how the gum got in the toaster...so I am at a loss. But I do know that my dinner (eggs and sausage) is not complete without toast. I am instead having bread. I tried to make toast, but alas, it did not happen. If you're thinking about running to the kitchen to see what happens when bubble gum gets toasted let me just stop you now. It smells. Bad. And it smokes. ALOT! That's really all you need to know. For those of you that were hoping to find out what I needed for my birthday and weren't planning on donating to the "Save Ramone" fund, here's your chance. But for the record, I like the bagel/toast toasters.

My Karma ran over your Dogma

For those of you who might possibly be deluded about me having any sort of good luck whatsoever, let me just enlighten you. Remember Ramone??? Once beautiful and shiny and dent free. He was glorious to behold. Remember the accident? The one that kept me from witnessing the happiest day of one of my best friend's life. I think that I handled everything pretty well considering. I'm fairly certain that Shelly and Alex voted me "Best Person to be in an Accident With". I remained calm, cool and collected throughout the whole ordeal, and even managed to laugh about the situation. Why? Because that's the kind of girl I am. I take life as it comes at me and enjoy whatever it doles out. A bit "Miss Mary Sunshine"? Perhaps--but why worry about the little stuff, right?

Well, as of Wednesday, that Juli no longer exists! Say hello to the new cynical and bitter Juli. I am cursed! What caused this huge turn around, you ask? Getting rear ended at a stop light...less than 5 days after my accident...SIGH. Oh friends, I wish you could have seen it. I got out to ASSESS the damage (for the second time in under a week) and just threw my hands up in the air...literally. The poor guy that hit me NERVOUSLY got out of his tank. I don't know why, maybe the maniacal gleam in my eyes scared him a little. By the time he made it over to me I was starting to laugh a little and he looked like he wanted to cry. He looked over at the front of his car--not even a smudge. Mine...well, here's where I admit that it wasn't THAT bad, it just took a chip out of the bumper..but that's really not the point here! So on seeing my semi-psychotic behavior, my husband (who had said NOTHING to this point) got out to see if he could be of assistance...HA! Long story short...after deciding it wasn't worth the hassle of having to exchange information and try to explain to my insurance company how it is possible to have two accidents in under a week, we shook hands with the still very nervous man and left. Jeremy was VERY quiet all the way home--I think he was afraid to say anything...perhaps he noticed that my right eye had started to twitch a little. In any case, God BLESS him for his silence.

I have been very excited to make it to work two days in a row without incident. But really, I don't know how long it can possibly last. We have a Friday the 13th next month, by then I may have worked up enough bad karma to actually get the vehicle stolen, or struck by lightening. On the LAST Friday the 13th, I spent the morning getting my flat tire repaired so I'm due for a biggie. We'll just have to wait and see! By the way, if anyone would be interested in carpooling with me, give me a call--I'll drive the first week!!! :0)

Our Birthday Boy!

Today, Tanner turns FOUR!! In the last month, I have run the gamut on emotions, feeling both sad and excited. Time has just flown by since the first time I held my little baby in my arms. Now he is this little man who is stubborn and independent --just like his Mommy. (Someone recently pointed my stubbornness out to me.) He is growing up so fast and today just made me realize how quickly that happens.

Last night we baked cupcakes for Tanner to take to Carol's house today. I just helped a little bit--he did the majority of the work...as you can see from the pictures. It was funny listening to him chattering away as we hung out together in the kitchen. And it was even more comical the way he bossed me around as if he was a master chef! "OK, I'm gonna crack the eggs, and you get out the mixer!"

Today, when we went in with the finished product, the other children swarmed like bees! Tanner told each and every one of them, more than once I might add, that HE had baked them all by himself. Carol and I just smiled and let him brag a little. After all, you only turn four once. He had a good day...I was a little sad that I had to work, but we have big plans for the evening.

Dinner is in the oven, and The Fox and the Hound is on TV. We are planning to snuggle up under his sleeping bag and watch the movie and munch on caramel corn. We are having his party this Sunday afternoon after everyone gets out of church. He has requested hamburgers and hot dogs (on the grill) and a Smiley Face cake to match his pillow. I'm still up in the air on the cake--I would like to do something just a little cuter for this particular birthday. Maybe I will make two, we're planning on having a house full--so it won't be wasted. We'll just have to see how much energy I have after the rest of the week. Right now, I am going to go cuddle up with the Apple of my Eye and watch some cartoons. Could anything be better than that??

Death of a Disco Dancer

Perhaps "Ramone" is not EXACTLY a disco dancer, but I am mourning my loss none the less. For those of you have not yet heard the story, let me entertain you.

Shelly E., Alex and I left Monett en route to Eureka Springs on Saturday for Marianne's wedding. We were all in good spirits and pretty excited to witness the nuptials of our beloved Marianne. The excitement was a bit short lived when approximately one hour into our journey a disaster struck. We entered a curve and were about half way into it when we saw a motorcycle heading straight for us IN OUR LANE. It was one of those surreal moments where I had to blink twice to determine if it was truly happening. A split second later I was slamming on my brakes, jerking hard on the wheel, and plowing over a sign on the side of the road. Maybe three seconds after that, my passengers and I sat in stunned silence as we tried to wrap our heads around what had just happened. After establishing that no one was injured we removed ourselves from the ditch and found a safe spot just a few yards up the road where we could asses the damage.

It's a little sad, isn't it??? Jeremy and I will be making our first payment on it this week. Go ahead, cry if you want to, I can wait. (Luckily, my husband is such that he realizes that this "hunk of metal" kept us safe and secure as we were plowing over a driveway and into the ditch. ) After the initial shock wore off and I realized that there was absolutely no way that this could have been avoided, I just let it go. The almost flattened motorcyclist came back with his friends to make sure everyone was ok and apologize. The young man had just purchased the bike and honestly shouldn't have been out riding on that particular highway--and hopefully staring down the front end of my Envoy will be an image that sticks with him for awhile. We waited for the ONLY highway patrolman in the county to arrive and by the time he got there the wedding ceremony was WELL under way. We did eventually get all the paperwork taken care of and since Ramone was still drivable we headed for the Wedding reception.

We got to witness the first dance, and talk to friends whom we hadn't seen in a while. It was a fantastic reception and I must say that Marianne and her husband Zach looked blissfully happy. (I have pictures to share with you...but blogger is being a turkey and isn't letting me post more than the two I currently have.) Then it was time to turn around and come home--the drive back went better than the drive down and we arrived home without incident.

The trip wasn't' exactly what we had expected, but even with the accident we had a fantastic time just getting to talk and laugh. I couldn't have asked for better road trip companions--and Alex when you read this--Thanks for being there...I probably wouldn't have been as calm, cool and collected without you. You're THE BEST!

Table Talk

Looking back, one of my favorite things about growing up was getting to sit down at the dinner table as a family. I'm sure, at the time, I didn't appreciate it as fully as I do now--but when you're all grown up with a child of your own you see the BIGGER picture. So it's very important to me that we sit down together at the table whenever we can and have some family time. Unfortunately, Jeremy doesn't get to join me and Tanner every night...but we do what we can.

Tonight we sat down to enjoy dinner and each others company. The food was good and the conversation was...ummm...stimulating???

Juli: (Well, I can't really tell you what I said for risk of self-humiliation--note that it was a slightly suggestive comment directed at my husband--also note that it was one of those hidden suggestive comments, since little pichers have big ears)

Jeremy: (says nothing...but eyes widen in disbelief)

Tanner: mmmmm...these noodles are yummy!!

Juli: (Laughing) You should see the look of incredulity on your face!

Jeremy: (Very blank expression) What???

Juli: (S-L-O-W-L-Y) You should see the look of incredulity on your face.

Jeremy: Did you not hear me say "what??" the first time? Who uses a word like that in everyday conversation??? I mean, you used it in a sentence, so I now know what it means...but honestly???

Juli: (laughing harder now) You just looked so incredulous...sorry...skeptical.

Jeremy: (also laughing) Why didn't you just say that the first time?? I'm a country boy! I can count on one hand the members of my family that would know what that word meant

Juli: Sorry honey, I forget I have to use small words with you.

Tanner: (with noodles in mouth and laughing hysterically) SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!!!!

Jeremy and Juli: (stunned silence followed by more laughter)

We love our child! He just always manages to say something crazy and wonderful at the most perfect time. And since he talks pretty much non stop, we're always guaranteed a laugh. Anyway, dinner ended without any more big words or outbursts, Tanner has been tucked into bed, and Jeremy and I have been thoroughly horrified by "Celebrity Duets". Now it is time to prop our feet up and just enjoy the evening. Good night to you all, and look for some good stories Sunday evening. Marianne is getting married THIS SATURDAY!!! Alex, Shelly and I are trekking to Eureka Springs for the event. I am so excited about it!

We're Expanding!

Jeremy and I have an announcement! The Bradshaw family is growing larger and we couldn't be more happy. Please join us in welcoming the two newest members of our happy home!



This afternoon, we went to the pet store with the sole intention of buying a third goldfish for Tanner's fish tank...since he said we needed one for each of us. But while we were there, Jeremy strayed away from the fish aisle and found these two little guys. After a little pouting and a small temper tantrum, Tanner and I consented and told Jeremy that he could get one if he wanted. He wanted the fire-bellied newt. I, OF COURSE, fell in love with the fire-bellied toad. You know of my frog affinity. But, I was perfectly content in letting Jeremy get his newt, Tanner his goldfish, and myself nothing more than a quiet evening. Jeremy somehow talked me into getting both of them.

Long story short, I LOVE THEM--maybe even more than the boys do. I keep taking them out of their tank to play with them. I am pretty sure that I am going to name my frog "Fuego" for his fire-red tummy, and Jeremy wants to name the newt "Vader". I'll have to sleep on it though. But I am so excited to have them and
wanted to share them with you all.

Dear Vehicle Manufacturer,

I know that I may be a bit presumptuous in writing this letter considering that YOU are the experts and I am just a lowly consumer...but I felt that after ten years of sharing the road with others I should give you a suggestion that might be useful in cutting down the number of accidents.

I was driving some very precious cargo to the baby sitter's this morning when I was forced to slam on my breaks so the man in the 1985 Ford truck in front of me could turn. I, of course, was very concerned for his well being when this happened. What if I had rear ended this poor unsuspecting individual??? He was very busy at the time trying to figure out why his Billy Ray Cyrus tape wasn't working and he never would have known what hit him. What if the toothpick he was chewing on had gotten lodged in his throat?? I shudder thinking about the carnage that "might have been". I keep picturing his overall buckle getting caught on the steering wheel and the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor board breaking causing the liquor to spill out and ignite with the lit cigarette that was dropped in the collision. The images that follow make me sick!!!

I know You are constantly striving to make improvements to the vehicles that fine citizens like this man and myself buy, and I believe I might have a solution. Just go with me on this one and picture, if you will, a vehicle that has some sort of apparatus that would alert the people behind you if you are going to turn...some kind of signal that would just give a little bit of warning to other drivers. Think of the good it could do!!! I don't know what exactly would work, I'll let you, the experts figure out the exact design and logistics of it all, as I'm sure it will be more complicated than what my little mind could conceive. I just thought I would throw it out there! Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Motorin' Mama in Missouri

My Life in Bumper Stickers

Have you ever just been driving along and seen a bumper sticker that fits you to a tee?? Have you ever realized that your life is just one bumper sticker after another??? This happened to me today.


This one describes PERFECTLY how I have been feeling this last week. After all, it's pretty discouraging to get turned down for a job that mirrors one you already have. I have tried to maintain a sense of humor about the whole thing. Even if the sense of humor was a bit self-deprecating. I did call upon my creative side and lo and behold a song was born. Tell me what you think.

To the tune of Garth Brook's song "Shameless"

I'm jobless!

Baby, I don't even care.

Every time you see me standing there

I'll be saying "spare change please?"

Ok, that's as far as I got--but I think it's a good start. I'm hoping to get it put in the little known, off broadway musical "Can't pay my RENT".

I will admit that I have been feeling a little blue. And I will even admit to eating some ice cream just cuz it made me feel better. Cookies and Cream. It was pretty tasty. This reminds me...MOM--Breyer's has cartons of light "Fried Ice Cream"!!! Yes, I said Light! Can it get any better than that?? I submit that it cannot! Disclaimer: The author of "The Bradshow" is fully aware of the consequences of emotional eating and in no way does she support it as a way of dealing with one's problems.


So, in light of everything happening here, I have found myself pondering the meaning of life. Have I just not been putting my left leg in enough?? Maybe not, but I do know I can't dwell on it. I just have to move on and keep my chin up and my head held high. By the way, I WAS offered my job back...and I accepted on a trial basis and with some conditions. Hey, it's a paycheck! We'll see how it goes. So Tuesday, I have to get up early again and back to the real world I go. It will be another adventure in the book that is my life.